$ ls writing/series/regulating-the-teen-internet/
series: Regulating the Teen Internet.
The government's midnight social media curfew for 16 and 17-year-olds is a default, not a control — and after 29 years of telling boards the difference, I can't un-see it. Part 1 of a series on what happens when good intentions meet the technical reality of the teenage internet.
8 parts
Latest · 2026·07·19
- 01 A curfew you can switch off The government's midnight social media curfew for 16 and 17-year-olds is a default, not a control — and after 29 years of telling boards the difference, I can't un-see it. Part 1 of a series on what happens when good intentions meet the technical reality of the teenage internet. →
- 02 What counts as social media? The ban list names the platforms parents can already spell. But grooming happens in a chat window inside a children's game. Part 2: why the law regulates brands while the harm follows a function — and how to audit your household by the function instead. →
- 03 The federation problem Enforcement law assumes someone to enforce against — an office, a legal team, revenue to fine. Then there's Mastodon: thousands of servers, many run by one volunteer, in someone else's country. Part 3: what happens to the teen internet rules when there is no company to write to. →
- 04 The dark routes Every enforcement idea so far has needed a server to find and block. Tor and i2p are built specifically so there isn't one. Part 4: what "just block the dark web" actually asks for, why it fails, and — the twist parents don't expect — why this is the route I worry about least. →
- 05 The browser in the browser An age check inspects the visitor in front of it. But what if the visitor is a data centre in Frankfurt, streaming the real site back as video to a child in Fife? Part 5: browser-as-a-service, the school-proxy underground, and the bypass I sell as enterprise security. →
- 06 Lessons from the age gate we already built We don't have to predict how a national age-verification scheme performs. We switched one on last July for pornography, and a year of data is in. Part 6: what the porn age gate actually did — who it stopped, where the traffic went, and the identity honeypot it built along the way →
- 07 What would actually work Six parts on why the plan fails earns one obligation: say what I'd build instead. The finale — a blanket under-18 rule, enforced at the device, attached to the function, with the exceptions designed in. Not perfect; just honest about where the line can actually be held. →
- 08 So what do I actually do? Seven parts on why the government's plan to protect children online will leak. So here is the other side of the ledger: the evidence-based, do-it-this-weekend guide to protecting your own child — ordered by what genuinely works, not what merely feels reassuring. →